7 Deadly sins paper

When I first drafted this paper I had no idea where to start. I was a little confused on the topic but once I started writing it it started coming together more. I thought it was hard to have all of these elements of all seven sins fit into one paper. It was hard to make a story out of them, I wrote my draft pretty fast so some of it did not really make sense or the context was confusing.

It was hard to come up with a story, but once the story was established it was easy to think of minor details in the story to relate to the deadly sins being committed.

Through this I learned a lot about exemplification,by exemplifying or elaborating on instances where the sins were committed, it made the event stick out more and made the sin being committed more noticeable. I think I could have added more exemplification techniques to make the instances explain the sin even more.

After re reading this yesterday I realized that some of the story is confusing and out of context. I should have made it more story like then just adding random events that happen to make sure every sin is committed.

The greatest strengths of the paper were making it clear when, where,how and at what time each sin was being committed. And which sin was taking place at each time was pretty clear. I think to make it better I should have straight out told the reader, which sin took place after an event for example " the guests all indulged in their food and the sin of gluttony was successfully committed".

overall I need to work on the context and reaffirming the reader which sin was happening at which time, and to make the paper more of a story than a bunch of random events.

All seven deadly sins were committed on October 30^th at Sally Sue’s picnic at the park. Sally was a seventeen year old girl, She had a boyfriend named Frederick. Her picnic was held at High Fields park, Jim was sitting on the bench that was across from the pond. It was a very hot day out and Sally decided to go for a swim with the guests. Jim was staring strangely at Sally, He thought that she looked beautiful even though his wife Cristal was at home cooking dinner for him and his family, Jim could not take his eyes off of Sally. Suddenly Frederick entered the pond and Jim realized that Frederick was her boyfriend. In Rage, Jim walked over to Frederick and told him that this pond has reached its maximum capacity. Frederick argued that that was a lie and hardly anybody was swimming in it, angered Jim punched Frederick and then fled the scene.

            Meanwhile Sally’s good friend Henry was fishing in the river, he had been fishing since the party had began and had not one single bite. After about two hours of trying to catch, Henry made one last cast before he decided to call it a day. On his last catch he caught a huge fish, weighing around 15 pounds and about a foot and a half long. Henry ran back to the pavilion and showed off his fish to the whole party. He took great pride in the fish that he caught and showed it off for the rest of the day and night.

                It was about quarter to nine and Sally’s guests were extremely hungry. Sally had not prepared much, she threw a few boxes of frozen French fries and frozen macaroni and cheese in the microwave and served it to her guests. She was too lazy to prepare a real meal for her guests. All of the food served at her party came from a box or can. The guests all indulged in the food. Regardless of how it was prepared they were all starving. The food was vanished within a half hour, they had not been served for the whole picnic and every person engulfed as much food as their stomach could hold.

            After dinner everybody decided to go on the play ground nearby. Not far away, Sally spotted a man near the parking lot. He seemed very rich pulling up in his brand new 2010 Mercedes. He walked up to another old man fishing in the pond near the parking lot. She then heard him telling the old man how he was in need of money to eat this evening. The old man told him that he was full of himself, he clearly had enough money by the looks of his clothes, appearance and car. Sally thought over and over again in her head as to why he would go ask a little old man for money when he looked like he already had plenty?

            Sally’s picnic was nearing a close and all the guests were going home. The day and night were very eventful and all seven of the deadly sins had been successfully committed.